Notable Notes (1)

Here are a few intercepted notes I've received over the years.
This job feeds into the perfect level of voyeurism without causing me to feel like too much of a creeper.

I believe there may have been jewelry with this:

I hope (she) does too, Andy.

Brace yourself for some racy innuendo!

"Lunch time"

Meanwhile, Sydney awaits in he qoumroom.

Do you think she'd let me?

Here's a conversion attempt that seems like it didn't quite play out.

Sorry Kirstin (sp?), it seems like your feminine wiles were not quite enough to ensnare Adam into your cult! Keep practicing though!

 Elsewhere in the world, an unavoidable system of communication has been established by a couple with substance abuse problems...

 Wrap your angry message around a tall-boy and it is sure not to be missed. The recipient may even respect this tactic enough to drink the beer without removing the note!

When I tell people about the crazy things I've seen, this beer can is up there in the list. I LOVE how the note SEEMS to pick up mid-idea, like there may have been more objects with angry notes around the home leading up to this conclusion(?!). I LOVE how you see this angry note, wrapped around a beer can, containing an accusation of theft of methadone, and after all that is the realization that IT'S WRITTEN ON CUTE ANIMAL STATIONARY.

I love that this person does not default to ten-digit phone numbers like the rest of us in the 21st century (thereby allowing me to publish it unedited.)

Ms. Jessica Gugel, you are one in a million.

We're through.

I receive a lot of peoples photographs, many of them not terribly noteworthy. These stood out because they were framed, and disposed of together without any effort to spare the photographs from going god-knows-where to god-knows-who (turns out it was me and I have no problem sharing things that are donated for eventual public sale).

 A loving couple, throughout many stages. Smoochin', looking sweetly at eachother. A presumed age difference. A smug look, potentially due to concern over the angle of a selfie. These are intimate shots.
Their donation is telling. A relationship has to end for someone to get rid of these all at once, all in once piece. 

Which is why I wonder about this one...

...is this a beloved family pet? Well, if it was, and if the pet had passed on, you would think the owner would have made some effort to retain the pictures. Maybe in a little box somewhere.
It would be one thing if this was a beloved family pet who passed on and this picture frame was too much to look at every day. The sensible thing would be to take it down and store the pictures away somewhere until the heartache fades.
For this reason, I prefer to think that this dog did something unforgivable, and that the owners were simply so disgusted with it that they never wanted to see it's face again. Maybe it was secretly selling off it's dog treats to feed a nasty gambling habit. I dunno, anything. Some sort of betrayal would explain the need to ensure that it's every image would be cast off, never to be seen again.

Of Love and Regret

So I found this object.

 As a matter of fact I found about a dozen of them. I brought one specimen in for documentation.

There was something inside! Wrapped in plastic (RIP Laura Palmer)! What could it be?!

No, I said WHAT COULD IT BE!? This really doesn't tell me anything!

Oh. It's a wedding invitation. Oh my! Somebody put a LOT of money into these! Only to discard them because they decided they didn't want all of those 'guests' after all. Or perhaps they called off the wedding? I don't know!!! I was sincerely hoping that the invites would have had a future date on them so that I could show up, with an invitation, no less!!!


In another corner of the world, there was trouble in paradise. Or, what is the reverse of paradise? Trouble in somewhere where turmoil is commonplace. Trouble in The Burmuda Triangle. 

 Not sure what the word "unconditional" is doing here. You are very clearly laying down your conditions, my friend. Which is fine. Unconditional love is for victims. Stand up for yourself, demand conditional love!

"Stamp that,
Killa" is one of the ultimate exits I've ever seen.
Listen, Killa, I found your note somewhere near Quantico, Virginia. A Marine town. I'm certain if Chris wasn't gonna clean up his act that you could find a more than suitable and willing replacement in a heartbeat. You're a smart woman, time to start living like one.
I could only interpret from the accompanying message which was written by Chris to his landlords stating that he would not return to the property that maybe, just maybe, Killa wised up and threw his ass out for good.